Road trip!

Two entertaining episodes in Beth 'n' Rob's road trip:

Rob: [closes car window on 5-inch long hair] Ow!
Beth: Did you just shut your hair in the window?
Rob: Yes. I did.
Beth: [hysterical laughter]
Rob: I'm glad I amuse you.

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[Beth and Rob stop for gas. Beth pops the fuel door, gets out and fiddles with the pump for a few seconds, then stares at it. Rob heads toward the mini-mart.]

Beth: Rob!
Rob: What?
Beth: [looks pathetic, yells across the station] I'm from OREGON!
Rob: Ohhhh...well...I don't drive.

[Wow. Eventually, we figure it out and continue on our merry way.]

the power of voodoo!

David: Any luck with your computer?
Allie: Edwin's waving magnets around it and doing all sorts of computer voodoo.

Edwin: Anybody got a womb I can borrow? I'll take good care of it...

Look out, world!

Rob, on wooing: I already know when and to whom, I just need to know how, and I'm set!

[Allie mentions having lost an earring in 311. Beth and Allie imagine David finding said earring. Carl can fill in the rest.]

Beth: "Carl, can you explain this earring?"
Allie: "...And why you're wearing my underwear?"

[Editor's note: Beth/Allie speaking above as David Scudder, not as Beth, or Allie. Get your mind out of the... whatever. -Rob]

Allie's alternative career options...

[Allie is bedecked with jingle bells.]

Rob: You sound like a belly dancer.

Twitter-pation in Twain

Cory: There's something in the air in Twain.
Beth: Just wait until spring. Well, you're not the only one--I don't have a boyfriend.
Cory: You never know--at the rate we're going, you might have four!

Micah: Whoa, Allie! For three seconds there I thought you were a leper.

Cory: Notre Dame just sounds like fluffy French bread.

Allie: I feel nauseous
Rob: You're not a man, are you?

[For character explanation, see below]
Darius: I give good massages. I'm so good at massages, I could give you a massage that would kill you. I mean, you would die.

Chicago, New York

[So some brief background. Darius is my cousin. He's 9, and thinks he knows everything. Azar is my aunt, Darius' mother.]

Allie: So I'm going to Chicago with Testimony this winter.
Darius: Chicago? Are you going to the Bronx?
Azar: No, Darius, the Bronx is in New York.
Darius: Yeah, I know. I call Chicago the Bronx.

Attention, passengers...

Panayiota: All unattended Allens will be confiscated.

Micah: Someday, I will be one soooober David Scudder.

[Rob is folding laundry in the computer cluster in Twain.]
Rob: Underwear!

[Time passes]

Allie: Did you get all your laundry folded?
Rob: Underwear!

[Setting: Twain computer cluster. 9pm Wednesday night.]

Allie: Rob, why do you have a drum?
Rob: It's my laundry.
Allie: Are you taking it with you to KZSU?
Rob: Yes.

"If Eric Chu Was a Girl..."

[Eric Chu is going to Indiana for Thanksgiving with the Scudder Family.]

David: He's going to meet my grandparents and get the real Scudder experience...it's kinda like bringing home a girlfriend.

I am loved.

[Panayiota and Allie are discussing the class makeup of RUF. Beth is sitting between them.]

Allie: There aren't many juniors.
Panayiota: But there are a lot of sophomores! That's exciting!
Allie: Yes.
Panayiota: We have a lot of seniors. That's not exciting.
Allie: We can make them leave.

Allie: Ow! I didn't mean that! I meant "We can make them NOT leave!"

Katie Turner, Bartender in Training

[At Sunday Night Prayer...]

Katie: You'd want to go with the hard liquor then, wouldn't you?

[Ethan's away message has a rather emphatic expression of disbelief and anger that Steve Irwin is dead.]

me: Ethan...Steve Irwin has been dead for a while

Ethan: have some respect

sting rays are tasty

me: I see

Singing in the shower?

Jennifer: I was in the shower and I realized that Testimony show is less than a month away. And I was petrified!
Allie: You're in a towel!
Beth and Katie: Hahahahaha!

Bang

Micah: Shooting a gun is like riding a bike. Except when you ride it at someone, they die.

[Setting - 6:50 on a Tuesday night. Allie is attempting to nap on the futon as Beth returns from Faces, where she was a featured Face. There is nothing scheduled for this hour, and no guests expected. It is a time of peace, a precious hour where the two residents of TN 213 can get some well-deserved rest, or do some much-needed work. But strangely, something is absent...]

Beth: Where's Rob?

Eric's love life

Eric: now i need to cut out

Beth: yup

Eric: sigh

but i'm attached

:'(

Beth: get over it

Eric: i can;'t let go :'(

i'm bad about moving on

Beth: it's a resume
not a girlfriend

Eric: still

that's how bad i am at moving on

Beth: booo

Allen: Katie, you look so nice. [Looking at Allie and Beth] Oh, you guys looked nice earlier...

[Greg is taking a picture of a gaggle of giggling girls lying in the quad.]

Grace: Greg! Get more on top of us!

More things...

Rob: Edwin! I have a thing for you.
Edwin: Rob, I have a thing for you, too.

Une radio

[Rob is doing his French homework.]
Rob: What do you think I am, a radio? A feminine radio.
Beth: ???

F-f-f-football

Carl: Football is so complicated…you have to get 11 guys doing something premedididated…premediated…prem...at once.

Beth: Why don't any of you know how to smoke?!?

Katie: I have a great story about restaurant names! So this one time, we had a bunch of gerbils, and then they started inbreeding, and having seizures, and dying.

Katie: Why would she dedicate this song to you?
Beth: Because I'm soooo promiscuous.

...Or join the circus.

My mother, on seeing pictures from Halloween:

"I think you should go back to shaving..."

(Thanks, Mom.)

Possession

Beth: You sound really evil.
Allie: I'm channeling Allen.

Ben Savage: Ravishing can be a light-emitting adjective. I was ravished by lasers!

[While eating at RUF retreat]

Jeremy: I don't think I know you yet.
Katie: Oh, I'm Katie.
Jeremy: Katie, I'm Jeremy...how old are you?
Katie: What?

[Also during a small group discussion]

Lexie: I think I've used up all my children.

[During a small group discussion on contentment]

Lexie: What does contentment look like?
Greg: Well, I've heard it said - You can't ask more than a puppy on a leash.

Comedy of Errors

James Chu: I'm the only Y-chromosome at this table.
Allie: What? You're not a white girl! We're the only white girls at this table!

[time passes, Eric and Katie arrive...]

Beth: Well, we added another Chu, so we needed another white girl.
Eric: We need David!
Allie: David Scudder is NOT a girl!
Eric: ???

Trees in pants.

Allie: I have tree in my pants.
Carl: You've been having a lot of pants problems lately.

Safe travels!

[In Ethan's car, on the way to retreat]

Hannah: Can I pray for us before we get on the freeway?
Ethan: Sure. Should I shut my eyes?

Nerds!

Caroline: Last King of Scotland, anyone?
Hannah: James?
Beth: James VI?
Caroline: Ha ha ha!

[N.B.: William II.]

[Beth laughs.]
Allie: What?
Beth: Don't worry. I'm laughing at your face.

In Russia, food smells you.

Dining hall food makes me smell like...dining hall food.

-Rob

Oh, Humbio.

Katie: Don't you love...[pause, giggle].
Allie: ?
Katie: I'm not going to finish that sentence.
Allie: Katie, finish the sentence.
Rob: I'm perfectly all right with you not finishing that sentence.

Katie: Don't you love the word zygote?

[At Testimony rehearsal]

Joseph: Sops, you're too pretty. But it's nice that you're pretty... I mean, altos, you're pretty too.

Erm...

Beth: I've been reading articles on why Christian devotional poetry is homosexual.
Panayiota: Finally, someone agrees with me!
Beth: !!??

Eric: The next stage of human evolution will be the de-evolution of mouths and we'll all grow a third hand so we can type and do something else at the same time. ... No, nevermind. The only reason mouths won't devolve is because people want to keep kissing.

Poor Micah

Micah: I was born into abstract poverty.

(His family had food, they just didn't eat it).

Bible Study + Josiah, it continues

Eric: we demand cookies every week

in return

we promise to keep josiah's clothes on

Lexie: He's this guy on the rugby team...?
Jennifer: John?
Lexie: Maybe.
Jennifer: John's really Mormon too, and he likes Josiah.

[While baking Bible Study cookies]

Panayiota: Don't make me take my pants off!

Cory: In honor of Adam, we should all cut off various body growths and send them to our significant others.
Beth: I'd call that Harrissment.

Les cheveux

Beth: Should I cut off my hair?
Allie: If you feel like you're ready to part with it.
Beth: You make it sound like a baby or something.
Allie: It kind of is a baby!

PSA

The futon has just been christened "Baudelaire." That is all.

143 acronyms.

Carl: Hey

me: Hey

Carl: Did you get AFTHOTWTTF?

me: Huh?

Hallway dress code

Beth: Those pearls don't really go with those shorts.
Allie: Okay, I'll take them off.
Beth: The salmon-pink shirt doesn't really work, either.
Allen: Okay, I'm leaving!

Allie: Rob, what time is it?
Rob: Time for you to buy me a cell phone.

Rob: Great

I love it when you talk like that.

me: Um....

Rob: Who said that?

Well, I'll be...

Beth: I'll be bahck. [Pause] Or maybe Beethoven.
Allie: And I'll be Ba...Be...oh, uh, what you said. I'm so glad you say that, too!

Allie: My mom once got stuck on the roof of a frat house during Big Game when she was a student here.
Katie: Oh! We should do that!

"I should mix water with Mountain Dew. It's like vodka and beer."

-Rob Majors

EVIL

Edwin: You're evil.
Allie: No, I'm just conniving.
Edwin: A rose by any other name would smell as...EVIL!

Bible waves

Beth: [walking down the hall in Twain Lower North Monday night at 10:00]
There are, like, Bible waves coming from the walls...

I have a dream

Allie: Last night I had a dream that the leg of Testimony was cut off and it had to undergo emergency surgery to get it put back on.
Beth: Last night I had a dream that I was swimming underwater trying to collect a thesis ring.

Josiah?

Allie: I wonder what they do in their Bible Study.
Beth: I bet they all run around naked or something.
Allie: I can see...Josiah and Greg doing that.

[time passes, enter Dan Tucker]

Dan: What does Rob think we're going to do, go streaking through your Bible Study? You guys are studying redemption, and in runs Josiah naked.
Beth and Allie: !!!
Dan: What? It was just the first thing that came to mind...

Allie's love life, part deux

Allie: The David I have a thing for is coming by.
Jennifer: Scudder?
Allie: No!
Beth: ???

Allie's love life

Allie: Oh! He's going to see David. I have a thing for David!
Beth and Rob: What?
Allie: NOT that David!
Beth and Rob: ???
Allie: Um...