Spouse Compass (TM)

At lunch:

"What's that one sport where they take you out in the woods and leave you there to find your way, with a compass?"
"Orienteering?"
"Yeah, that! My parents used to do that."
"Is that how they met?"
"No, but..."
"I could see my church doing that."
"People wandering around in the woods..."
"Spouse Compass!"
"Haha!"
" 'You buggered the Spouse Compass!' "
"Shows you your spouse."
"So, how do you navigate with it?"
"Depends--do you want to get married, or not?"
" 'I'm just wearing a lot of jewelry, I swear!' "

Romeo Romeo...

Beth (reading): Ew! He wants to marry a 12 year old!
Rob: I was about to say "Don't we all..." but then I thought to myself "no, this is a time to contain my impulses."

New use for a tea-spoon

Beth: Your tea might be oversteeped.
Rob: No matter, I eat oversteeped tea frequently.
Beth: You eat it?
Rob: Depends on how oversteeped it is.

Whipped

Eric: Rob, you can't be so whipped. Two girls tell you to go to Late Nite and you've got to put up a little fight.
Rob: I put up a fight. Didn't you hear me? I said "No, oh, alright..."

Consume!

Allie: We're tearing apart everything on this table....but we're not tearing apart Mickey and Rob.
Mickey: That's what you think.
Rob: Consume!

Stanferd, furd, ford?

Allie: Guess what I'll be doing Saturday at 1 pm? Here's a hint. It starts with C and ends with S.
Grace: Testimony?
Allie: No. CS.

Don't air my derriere.

James Chu: Hey! My butt is sacred! I'm saving it for my wife!

Catch Phrase, Twain Snow Trip Version

Can you guess what these are? (Answers at the end of post)

Katie T: There's a band for it. It's what they're doing to Molly.

Katie: It's like, well. Hah hah hah hah hah [she's panting.]

Allie: It's a rooster with the thing on its butt.

Katie: Oh! This is what I do with my feet. You know, in the room the other day!

And then some other stuff too -

Grace: What you do when you jump out an airplane.
Allie: Die?

Allen: The head of an ant colony!
Katie and Grace: A queen bee!

Jen: What's missing? Autumn, Winter, Summer....
Allie and Grace: Fall!

Answers-
1) Flogging
2) Bad breath
3) Cocktail
4) Irish Dancing

On promiscuity, or lack thereof

Beth: I wonder why this article only argues that all women should be virgins, and not all men.
Rob: Well, if all the women are virgins, then the men would be too.
Beth: No. That would depend on who there's more of.

Commence pummeling...

Allie: What am I supposed to be doing?
Rob: Covering yourself, woman!

Except that a real foot-in-mouth is UNpremeditated...

[Mickey brings up mutant frogs with eyes in their mouths...]

Mickey: What if people were like that? You'd have to go around like "aaaaaaahhhh..."
David: Wouldn't girls be able to see a lot better 'cause their mouths are open so much more?
Mickey: You won't be able to see so well with your foot in your mouth!

For the folks in Pleasanton

As promised, the quotes that resulted from a late-night game of CatchPhrase on New Year's Eve...

Janet describing Rosa Parks: Bus! In the back! Black woman! Injustice!

Vijay: Bringing back one of the brothers from the Bible...
Allie: Raising Abel!

Shelby describing an electric fence: You have one of these when you want to fry your dog.

Someone describing a Senior Center: It's where old people go to play mah jong.
Jon Ma: China!

Vijay describing "lover's quarrel": Me and Shelby having an argument.

Fiona describing a second opinion: If you don't like what your doctor says, you get a...
Tyler: Hernia?

Tyler describing wipes: You use this to clean babies...
Jon Ma: Holy Water!
Angelica: A spatula!

Jon Ma: It's a dark type of blue!
Everyone: Navy!
Allie: I got them removed over Thanksgiving...
Everyone but Jon: Wisdom teeth!
Jon Ma: Dang, I should have said "sea men"

Jon: Um, Angelica, does this say hymen?
Angelica: No, Jon, that says hymn.

Tyler describing guerilla warfare: The kind of battles that monkeys fight.

Emily describing mass destruction: If you drop a bomb there's...
Janet: Leukemia?

And some quotes that came from other random games...

Jon Ma: Her name is Jane. Jane hangs with Tarzan. Tarzan's a savage, and the mafia are savages, so she must be mafia!

Jon Ma: I love my comforter of deliciousness!
Allie: Don't call me that.

Temptation

Beth, to Panayiota: Want a cookie?
Panayiota: Oh, no, don't tempt me.
Rob: Tempt ME!

Who?

While watching the Testimony alumni show video in my living room:

Mom: Look at Rob! He could be the next Fred Astaire.
Allie and Sophia: Hahaha
Mom: No really, I'm serious!

Road trip!

Two entertaining episodes in Beth 'n' Rob's road trip:

Rob: [closes car window on 5-inch long hair] Ow!
Beth: Did you just shut your hair in the window?
Rob: Yes. I did.
Beth: [hysterical laughter]
Rob: I'm glad I amuse you.

------------

[Beth and Rob stop for gas. Beth pops the fuel door, gets out and fiddles with the pump for a few seconds, then stares at it. Rob heads toward the mini-mart.]

Beth: Rob!
Rob: What?
Beth: [looks pathetic, yells across the station] I'm from OREGON!
Rob: Ohhhh...well...I don't drive.

[Wow. Eventually, we figure it out and continue on our merry way.]

the power of voodoo!

David: Any luck with your computer?
Allie: Edwin's waving magnets around it and doing all sorts of computer voodoo.

Edwin: Anybody got a womb I can borrow? I'll take good care of it...

Look out, world!

Rob, on wooing: I already know when and to whom, I just need to know how, and I'm set!

[Allie mentions having lost an earring in 311. Beth and Allie imagine David finding said earring. Carl can fill in the rest.]

Beth: "Carl, can you explain this earring?"
Allie: "...And why you're wearing my underwear?"

[Editor's note: Beth/Allie speaking above as David Scudder, not as Beth, or Allie. Get your mind out of the... whatever. -Rob]

Allie's alternative career options...

[Allie is bedecked with jingle bells.]

Rob: You sound like a belly dancer.