South Africa

"Kin cancer."

Panayiota: "When i bought these shoes they were new!"

Simon: "Do you have a girlfriend?"
Eric: "No."
Simon: "Do you have a lifelong prayer partner?"

Simon: "This is a mission trip, man. No laughing!

Simon: "I used to look good."

Eric to Simon: "Have you driven on the autobon?"

David, in talking about the worship song, "I Want to Know You More": "'I want to see your voice'...sounds like a lie."

Carl: "T.I.A...That could mean a lot of things...This is Asia, This is Australia, etc."
ERic: "Context clues!"

Panayiota: "Why did you buy chocolate?"
Simon: "For the hormones."

Simon, mimicking Sunday schoolers: "Gimme my snacks!"

17!!!

"Ambigamous"

"gay pig"


*Since these quotes are from months ago, their context and even speakers is a bit foggy. For some I've even forgotten whey they're funny!

Jin the astute

Jin: I've noticed recently that I'm Asian.*


*(Ok, so she actually said "aging" and I misheard her. But Jin, you're not aging, and besides, I think this is funnier).

No way!

Me: I drove my stick shift here wearing high heels.
Eric: Whoa! No way! That makes you almost as cool as David Scudder!
Amy [of TFA]: David drives a stick shift in high heels?

That's "Camp Director," thanks.

My boss: "I put her in charge of fun and games today. She'll be your...[pause]...well, I guess I shouldn't really say she'll be your playmate...[pause]...Umm...?"

Autocannibalistic appetite

Cory: Stuff getting cauterized right next to your nose smells...really good! It's really appetizing!

Power outage

Beth and Grace are in the bathroom, having adhered to the time-tested feminine preference for safety in numbers.

Grace: Ooh, it is kind of scary in the dark.
Beth: ::sings music from Psycho::
Grace: Gaaah! That is REALLY scary. You just scared up my night.
Beth: Oh. Huh. I've actually never seen it.
Grace: But I have! Augh!

Grace and Panayiota share a sappy, "girl" moment on the couch while listening to Chicago's "Will You Still Love Me"...

Cory: *guffaws* Allow me that.

This post has been anonymized for your protection.

Over GTalk:



1: [Semi-random comment about comparing apples and oranges].

2: hmm, i can't come up with anything to say to that

given that it's so late here and i've had a good deal to drink

1: ROFL

2: except that I like oranges better

1: ROFL

Oh those Swedish Protestants

Allie: ...the Bible tells me sooooo. [Finishing a demonstration of "Jesus Loves Me" in a minor key]
Several people: That sounds like a dirge.
Julie: That sounds like something Swedish Protestants would sing after the reformation. "Major keys are for Papists."

Every blog should be about Cory

corycombs: No I mean it. If I were half as gangsta as you I would scorn sickness.
corycombs: But alas, I am not. However, I do have aspirations to equal the gangstaness of David scudder + 10 or so
corycombs: you are prolly rocking the french rap scene to its core as we speak

Oh sidebar ads...

Columbian Brides: Columbian ladies seek love, dating, and marriage. Join free today.

So then Eric says to Grace...

eytchu: mmm
women
wait
that was not a
"mmm" i'm hungry "mmm" women
it was a
"mmm" i'm pensive "mmm" women



(posted on Grace's behalf=o)

Alphabetical Discrimination with Mr. Combs

Cory:[...] and by the way gmail continues to list you and allie next to each other when you are both on

always at the top of the list--it is a conspiracy

me: an alphabetical conspiracy

western supremacy at work

Cory: ahhh, first names

didn't think of that

I was trying to figure out what "wilkins" and "dunworth" had in common besides strong anglo-saxon overtones

me: Cory, you are great

Cory: that's why gmail lists me first, despite alphabetical dictates to the contrary

always

me: My brother the former Google employee says to tell you I'm wrong--Gmail lists names according to etymological origin.

my bad

Cory: ahh... anglo-saxon- that makes sense!

so unless I meet a bunch of azerbijanis (is that even a language or how it is spelled?) or arabs you're both good

or aremenians...

or a bazillion other languages

never mind, that was an exceedingly stupid observation on my part

me: umm, maybe aardvarkians?

Cory: ahhh, yes

but zanzabarbarians invariably get the proverbial short end of the stick

me: right

Cory: no wonder I hardly ever chat with any

me: gosh, you're neglecting them sadly

Cory: i never see their names!

me: prejudice, that's what it is.discrimination

Cory: exactly!

me: write to Google.

and the Governator

Cory: indeed, I shall

Dear Mr. Wilkins,

me: Okay, I'm going to go play Scrabble.

Make sure you put enough postage on.

Bye Cory!

Cory: I pray thee cease thy policies of discrimination against Zanzibarbarians forthwith and create an affirmative action program to put less advantaged members of the alphabetical community at the top of the chat list.
Insincerely,

Zcory Combs

ok, so just leave while I try to attack discrimination

I see how it is

have fun!

Bye!

And yes, I can't sustain usage of outdated language for more than half a sentence

or use it correctly

so sue me

bye again!

This Is Africa, part 1...

Simon: This is a mission trip. NO LAUGHING!

Panayiota: Real sex kills...spiders.

David: I was thinking about this...the men went off to learn to fight a fire, while the women learned to serve tea.

Pastor Ohm: I believe you should get married very soon. I'll find you husband if you want!

Kid: Are you Jackie Chan?
Eric: I am Jackie Chan.
Kid: Cool! Hey, that's Jackie Chan!

Beth: I just can't get over these mountains. They're so rugged and worn.
Carl: You can get over any mountain if you try!

Andrea, Beth, Carl: You can ask us anything you want!
Student: Why is America's army everywhere, and why do they always win?
ABC: Um...

Oh dear

This is a side-bar ad that showed up in my Gmail account...

The Newest Colon Cleanse
What is known. What is unknown. Real cleansing photos. You decide.

Something fishy is going on...

After a day of snorkeling and sea kayaking, the Wilkins family returns to their lodgings. All are somewhat damp and very salty...

Mom: Whew! I just got a whiff of myself--I smell all fishy. I stink!
Paul: Actually, I just opened the smoked salmon.

A day at the beach

Eric: Allie, where's Rob?
Allie: He's in Washington.
Eric: What! Then why isn't he coming to the beach with us?

------------

Eric: Are you bleeding?
Allie: I don't think so...
Eric: Then what's that on your toe?
Allie: That's toenail polish.

What are you trying to tell me?

Charlie: Have a good life...if I don't see you...before it ends...

Pi Phi's?

Rob: Oh, I think I left some celery in your room.
Beth: It's okay. At least that won't stink up the fridge.
Alice: Like Pi Phi's!

Kristen: Hi, Rob!
Allie: Oh! I meant to have clothes on by the time you came by, but that didn't happen.

Minnesota gets no love.

[Hannah is sad about saying farewells].

Mindi: Well, we'll see you again. You'll want to come out here. I mean, you'll be living in Minnesota. Northern California is gonna look so good.
Hannah: Hey now!

Beth is a fishie.

Beth: I'm an English major with a Bio minor, so I'm a tezzie.
Edwin: I dunno about that. There's fuzzies, and techies, but I think bio belongs in its own category. Bio is...Squishy.
Dan T.: Squishy. Yeah.
Beth: So, squishy and fuzzy. Does that make me a squuzzy?

Dan T.: No, it makes you a fishie.

Katie (singing to the tune of Here We Go Round the Mulberry Bush): Underwear man has come to town, come to town, come to town! Underwear man has come to town to get you out of bed!

Katie (seeing that I know the name of that tune): Oh, there's another name for that song?

Trinity Backpacking Trip

Grace: We have a mirror! We can make faces in it!
Beth: If you have a face!
Grace: ???

[Stuff happens. Beth and Grace wake David up by shaking his tent, Beth, Kristen and Katie jump into a snow-lined lake, Grace hits a deer with a rock, David and his shirt get licked by a deer, etc.]

David (on the phone): Yeah, I went backpacking with a bevy of beautiful ladies this weekend.
Katie: Well, as long as we're alliterating, why not a bevy of beautiful babes?
David: I've just been corrected. I went backpacking with a bevy of beautiful babes this weekend.

A point well made

Alice: No, it's like if you have two alcoholics who make a pact to stay together in their alcoholism, and then one of them starts going to AA.
Allie: So in this case, Cory is the alcoholic who doesn't go to AA.
Grace: Wait, are we talking about James Chu dancing?

I like to be called "Cabernet."

Edwin: You look like a glass of red wine.

Kyle, into a makeshift megaphone: Katherine. This is your creator speaking. Get down here and praise me!

Uh, thanks?

Rob: Oh, wow.
Beth: What's up?
Rob: You're just really weird, that's all.

Allie: I steal lots of food from Rob.
Beth: No wonder he's so skinny!

Tenor hungry!

So at IV last night, the speaker asked everyone to list a few of the "sources of power" they have on a team.

Mario's list: "*Food"

Edwin's quarterlife crisis...and then some...

Edwin: If I didn't have a computer, I could be QUEEN!

While playing frisbee...

Grace's teammate: I've got David!
Grace: You can HAVE the man!

Yeees...

Anonymous: I got pulled out of sex ed, and it was fine.
Beth: But until a week ago you didn't know what a placenta was!

Mmm...fresh Testimony.

Cory: Speaking of fresh venison...when's the Testimony show?

Bobcasting

Hmmm...=oD

Words of wisdom from Hannah

Hannah: At least there's a silver cloud...lining...that thing.


Hannah: I love being [over] twenty-one. I was not twenty-one for so long.
Beth: Like...twenty years?

"Boat Dance"?

Beth: Cory, you don't even have to touch the dance floor.
Grace: Yeah, you could just stay up top and look at the waves and the sky.
Cory: I'd rather be underneath with magnetic shoes, observing the fluid dynamics of the water.

corycombs: matchmaking is an early sign of dementia

Apples and Oranges

Carl: I'm luscious, sexy, and principled!

Mickey: It's a shame there are all these quote blogs. Now there's competition!
Allen: But we're all part of one body - Bob!

Katie: Aslan would be a kind of pretty name, wouldn't it?
Allen: Too bad it's taken.

Allie: I bought real sex at RUF on Tuesday.

Playing Taboo with former PBC-ers

Paul: If you don't like women, you're...
Nathan: Married!

Beth: A little tool with a rubber blade that you use to get ride of droplets in the shower...
Charina: Rubber duck!

Cyndy: What runs through your arteries...
Charina: Blood!
Cyndy: A creature with two teeth that eats that...
Charina: Walrus!

While LARPing...

David Chiang: You look just like my wife!
Mario: I had a vision, and saw my sister...you look like her!
Beth: Everyone thinks they're related to me!

Allie : Could you love me more than a democratic state?
Carl: I think you should marry me, so we can become king and queen, because we love each other, and...I'm attracted to power!

In Big Basin...

David Scudder: Hey Grace, you'll be sleeping in MY tent!




[Note at Grace's request: this was the tent belonging to David Scudder, not the tent in which David Scudder was sleeping. =oD]

Allie: Rob, you could stand to take three inches off your hair.
Carl: Why don't you take three inches off your soul!

Oh, Vaden.

Beth: If I were torn in half, you could just take me to Vaden.
Rob: That doesn't sound like the best idea. "Hello, I've been torn in half. Could you please, uh, prescribe me something?"
Allie [as nurse]: "Birth control!"

Words of wisdom from Josiah.

Josiah: Eric, you can sit here.
Eric: No, thanks, I'm fine.
Josiah: Well, your butt's kind of in my face. [Pause]. I don't really mind.

Josiah [about me]: She's an EVIL temptress!

Bob(ette) loves her cousins

[Background info - I have these three cousins who are siblings. Arianne is 4, Cyrus is 8, and Darius is 9. My extended family had a big get-together on Saturday, which resulted in the following conversations.]

Arianne: I was a princess for Halloween!
My sister: Really? Which princess?
Arianne: Me!

[All of the cousins sing 'O What a Beautiful Morning,' because it makes my grandmother happy.]
Cyrus: Wow, Allie, you sing really loud!

Darius: How old are you?
Allie: I'm nineteen.
Darius: You're so old! Why aren't you married yet?

On beauty...

Grace: I'm only interested in my own attractions.

Fly Saga

Allie: Allie's incompetent. Allie's going to have problems when she has kids...
Beth:?
Allie:...and has to remove insects for them. Are you sure that's a fly?
Beth: That is a fly.
Allie: Are you sure? It's fuzzy.
Beth: It's a fly. Would you like me to take care of the fly?
Allie: Beth, would you like to take care of the fly?

Ice Tea

[Beth has made iced tea. Dan Tucker decides that iced tea sounds good, and does the following:
-gets a glass of ice water
-gets a tea bag
-places tea bag in ice water
Ten minutes later:]

Dan: Why isn't this working?

What's on your plate?

Dan Tucker: It's fetal corn!
Everyone else: Baby corn?
Dan Tucker: I call it fetal corn.

Obscure Holidays

Cory's Away Message: Happy Mothering Day! (those British, so odd...well at least it doesn't have the connotations that "Fathering day" would)

Beth: ROFL

Cory: I am not familiar with that abbreviation, but I believe "I agree wholeheartedly" is an appropriate response

I hope

Beth: "Ranting over feminine liberties"

Cory: you're kidding...aren't you

let me guess

I thought it was really overweight fat ladies, but I suppose that would be somewhat redundant and only tangentially related to mothers who may have expanded a bit after giving birth

Mosquito munchies.

Allie: Anything that eats mosquitoes is a friend of mine.
Rob: Dan Tucker.
Beth: Dan Tucker?
Rob: Well, if anyone was going to eat mosquitoes, I think it'd be him.

Ben: It makes me sad because even if I make artificial intelligence, it won't be able to pass on it's genes. You won't be able to take two robots and have them make a little robot baby. [Pause] Think about it. The cute robot babies.

*music drifts up from outside Twain North 213*

*music stops playing*

Beth: Tequila!
Allie: Tequila!
Beth: TEQUILA!!!!!!!!!

Well...it's your money!

Advice on budgeting, by Beth, Hannah and Allie.

"Root canals cost $550-$1500!"
"Then don't plan on a root canal! Plan on a cavity."

"Allie's good. She flosses for both of us."

"I'm budgeting clothes as optional."

Whoa there

[Jeremy looks at Grace...]

Beth: Grace, I'd say that's a "come hither" look!
Grace: [to David Scudder] Yeah, you should take lessons from him!

Hear him roar...

Carl: I can teach him the man step.
Allie: What? The man step?
Carl: DO NOT QUESTION THE MAN STEP!

Allie: Look, look, they're doing the finger!

Karen's mom not so far off.

Rob: Every time you misuse the word "literally," a fairy literally dies.

Eric: When I'm president, I'm going to pass a law saying that all men have to dress as ninjas and all women as pirates.

Umm, good to know?

[Kristen, Cory, Carl, Rob, Allen, Beth, Twain resident Karen, and Karen's mom are sitting around a table at brunch.]

Karen's mom: The difference between college students then and now is that back then they only talked like you all when they were stoned.

David Sangokoya, on hearing that I (Allie) might be abroad next year: Nooooo! You can't leave us! You're like our mother.
Mario: It's ok. People get new moms all the time!

Little rage, little rage

Dan: Allen, do that and I will eat your firstborn.

Lips!

Allie: I have tulips.
Beth: I have two lips.
Allie: I have four 'lips.
Rob: No, you have six 'lips.
Allie: What?
Rob: Well, you have two tulips and two lips.
Allie: Dah!

No wonder he has problems with contacts.

Carl: I'm not good at any of those stupid human tricks. David, can you close your eyes?

Caroline's Peeps

On visiting Sweden-

Mindi: And while we're there we'll go "What up to Caroline's peeps!"

Beth: Hello, Josiah.
Josiah: You guys have a nice carpet, Beth.
Beth: Well, we just vacuumed.
Josiah: Yep, it's really nice. And it's different from everybody else's.
Beth: Yes, it is. Are you going to ask me a favor, Josiah?
Josiah: No, no, I just came by to say 'hi.' And I like your room setup too, it's really cool. No, just saying 'hi.' Bye now!
Beth: Panayiota's going to be back in a minute.
Josiah: Oh, well, that too. Great!

Telephone Pictionary, Part 1

Fabulous game. A combination of, you guessed it, Telephone and Pictionary. Here are the words, pictures (hopefully) to come. The first phrase is the original, the others its, uh, results.


1) "Putting all your eggs in one basket."
"Joe put all of his eggs in one basket."
"You should put all your eggs in one basket."
"Put all of your eggs in one basket, especially big eggs."
"Don't put all your eggs in one basket."

2) "Allie is the Lindy Hop queen."
"She suddenly became a dancing queen when she put on the flowered hat."
"Dancing to the music."
"Walking along, singing a song."
"Fleet Street Singers."

3) "Ben is a pie."
"Ben is pie."
"It's Benjamin-Pie's Birthday."
"The androgynous person puts a surprise ingredient into the birthday cake."
"An androgynous human received a mysterious package that turned out to be a cake because s/he was 4."

4) "The other side of the radio."
"Turn up the sound waves!"
"The amplifier knob controlled and attenuated Gibbs' phenomenon effects in the speaker."
"Electric guitars are loud and flashy and awesome."
"Electric guitar plays loud."

5) "The conductor's cummerbund was being quite unruly this evening, distracting all the audience."
"So Percussion is popular."
"Percussion Quartets (like So Percussion) are awesome."
"Percussion is great! It makes me happy!"
"He is happy to have bongos."

6) "Ben likes to eat mushrooms."
"Eating shrooms (mushrooms)."
"Starstruck by the mushroom. Oh! It moves me to tears!"
"Little miss star-eyes cried at the beauty and majesty in the one huge and one smaller mushroom."
"The cute girl walks in a forest of giant mushrooms."

7) "Allie cannot live by bread alone." [NB, the pizza took its time getting to us.]
"Man cannot live by bread alone, but every word that comes from the mouth of God (or something to that effect)."
"Lily doesn't want bread, she wants pizza."
"Give me pizza or give me death!"
"This pizza has turned!"

8) "Die Luft de Freiheit Weht."
"Singing tin man."
"A man in a barrel is singing for his supper."
"Sing for your soup, and you can only wear a barrel."
"Music doesn't require clothes."

9) "David Scudder & Mr. Hyde."
"Count Dracula and David Scudder have a jam session."
"The unshaven guitar player was a chick magnet, and only his lead singer could resist him when he played a Bm7 chord."
"Rob sings love songs, Allie sings anti-love songs."
"Girls love music, guys don't."

There's more than one way...

Allie: You don't have to know how to skin a catfish to get a man.
Carl: Doesn't hurt.

And with people he has? Not so much.

Ben: This is fun to play with people I've never eaten before.

It smells like burning.

Rob: I thought it smelled good, but it turns out it just smelled like burning.

It's in Terman!

[Allie is reading Rob's mail...]

Allie: "Come to Bertha's Love Office"?!?

Rob: Um..."Come to Bertha Love's office."

E > EE

Cory: Edwin's entrance caused a discontinuity in the function of our conversation.
Edwin: What are you, EE? Beth, how would you explain that in English?
Beth: "There was a break in conversation, and Edwin introduced a new topic."
Cory: I thought my way was fine!

Why he's not got pants on.

Rob: I don't know. I don't usually think of pants as a part of a wardrobe. I mean, I don't think of them as things that people wear.

Spouse Compass (TM)

At lunch:

"What's that one sport where they take you out in the woods and leave you there to find your way, with a compass?"
"Orienteering?"
"Yeah, that! My parents used to do that."
"Is that how they met?"
"No, but..."
"I could see my church doing that."
"People wandering around in the woods..."
"Spouse Compass!"
"Haha!"
" 'You buggered the Spouse Compass!' "
"Shows you your spouse."
"So, how do you navigate with it?"
"Depends--do you want to get married, or not?"
" 'I'm just wearing a lot of jewelry, I swear!' "

Romeo Romeo...

Beth (reading): Ew! He wants to marry a 12 year old!
Rob: I was about to say "Don't we all..." but then I thought to myself "no, this is a time to contain my impulses."

New use for a tea-spoon

Beth: Your tea might be oversteeped.
Rob: No matter, I eat oversteeped tea frequently.
Beth: You eat it?
Rob: Depends on how oversteeped it is.

Whipped

Eric: Rob, you can't be so whipped. Two girls tell you to go to Late Nite and you've got to put up a little fight.
Rob: I put up a fight. Didn't you hear me? I said "No, oh, alright..."

Consume!

Allie: We're tearing apart everything on this table....but we're not tearing apart Mickey and Rob.
Mickey: That's what you think.
Rob: Consume!

Stanferd, furd, ford?

Allie: Guess what I'll be doing Saturday at 1 pm? Here's a hint. It starts with C and ends with S.
Grace: Testimony?
Allie: No. CS.

Don't air my derriere.

James Chu: Hey! My butt is sacred! I'm saving it for my wife!

Catch Phrase, Twain Snow Trip Version

Can you guess what these are? (Answers at the end of post)

Katie T: There's a band for it. It's what they're doing to Molly.

Katie: It's like, well. Hah hah hah hah hah [she's panting.]

Allie: It's a rooster with the thing on its butt.

Katie: Oh! This is what I do with my feet. You know, in the room the other day!

And then some other stuff too -

Grace: What you do when you jump out an airplane.
Allie: Die?

Allen: The head of an ant colony!
Katie and Grace: A queen bee!

Jen: What's missing? Autumn, Winter, Summer....
Allie and Grace: Fall!

Answers-
1) Flogging
2) Bad breath
3) Cocktail
4) Irish Dancing

On promiscuity, or lack thereof

Beth: I wonder why this article only argues that all women should be virgins, and not all men.
Rob: Well, if all the women are virgins, then the men would be too.
Beth: No. That would depend on who there's more of.

Commence pummeling...

Allie: What am I supposed to be doing?
Rob: Covering yourself, woman!

Except that a real foot-in-mouth is UNpremeditated...

[Mickey brings up mutant frogs with eyes in their mouths...]

Mickey: What if people were like that? You'd have to go around like "aaaaaaahhhh..."
David: Wouldn't girls be able to see a lot better 'cause their mouths are open so much more?
Mickey: You won't be able to see so well with your foot in your mouth!

For the folks in Pleasanton

As promised, the quotes that resulted from a late-night game of CatchPhrase on New Year's Eve...

Janet describing Rosa Parks: Bus! In the back! Black woman! Injustice!

Vijay: Bringing back one of the brothers from the Bible...
Allie: Raising Abel!

Shelby describing an electric fence: You have one of these when you want to fry your dog.

Someone describing a Senior Center: It's where old people go to play mah jong.
Jon Ma: China!

Vijay describing "lover's quarrel": Me and Shelby having an argument.

Fiona describing a second opinion: If you don't like what your doctor says, you get a...
Tyler: Hernia?

Tyler describing wipes: You use this to clean babies...
Jon Ma: Holy Water!
Angelica: A spatula!

Jon Ma: It's a dark type of blue!
Everyone: Navy!
Allie: I got them removed over Thanksgiving...
Everyone but Jon: Wisdom teeth!
Jon Ma: Dang, I should have said "sea men"

Jon: Um, Angelica, does this say hymen?
Angelica: No, Jon, that says hymn.

Tyler describing guerilla warfare: The kind of battles that monkeys fight.

Emily describing mass destruction: If you drop a bomb there's...
Janet: Leukemia?

And some quotes that came from other random games...

Jon Ma: Her name is Jane. Jane hangs with Tarzan. Tarzan's a savage, and the mafia are savages, so she must be mafia!

Jon Ma: I love my comforter of deliciousness!
Allie: Don't call me that.

Temptation

Beth, to Panayiota: Want a cookie?
Panayiota: Oh, no, don't tempt me.
Rob: Tempt ME!

Who?

While watching the Testimony alumni show video in my living room:

Mom: Look at Rob! He could be the next Fred Astaire.
Allie and Sophia: Hahaha
Mom: No really, I'm serious!